What's the Plan?

It's a question that plagues my daily life. It's a question I hear from our kids, from our extended family, my friends, and from the depths of my fearful flesh. Foster care has planted this ever-present question firmly on the tablet of our hearts.

"What's the plan, Mom?", my daughter asks from the back seat of our 15 passenger van.

She's talking about the plan for the rest of the day. But I know for her, this isn't just a simple curiosity. Her questioning comes from a place of needing control; from her traumatic early years where she felt anything but in control. No one around her had a plan so she took on the burden of creating one for herself.

Cautious at 3 years old. Chef at 4. Caretaker at 5.

Surrendering that license to me was a battle for the ages when she first came to our home. It continues to tug at her defenses when I set a time, place, and jump into action instead of walking her through every step. It would be exasperating... if I didn't know the reasons behind all of it.

That's trauma.

How tempting for me to take on the same posture towards my Heavenly Father. So much of our lives are hanging in the balance of what seems like the most uneven of scales. Our children's futures could be altered with a single ring of the phone. A single meeting of the adoption review committee. A single court hearing.

"What's the plan, God?"

I want to know. I want to control. I want to have a say in the matter. But that's not the format of my relationship with God. He tells me to trust. He tells me to wait. He tells me He loves me and works all things for my good. He tells me He is just. He is good. He is worthy to be praised. He tells me to rest in His sovereignty. He's so patient with me and my tendency to doubt. He's never given me a reason not to trust Him. He's always been faithful.

So when our family and friends ask me where all this is going, I'm obliged to say I have no clue. "God glorified" is as close to certainty as I can get, because God's word promises it.

But that's most definitely a plan I can get behind.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11